Di Abad Fatamorghana: You Know GOD how I Love Her so Much

Not Couse her is pretty, not that, I remember it when I’m in wheels chair, I always wait her behind the window of my boarding house, at the morning when she’s come with a food before she get to work and in the afternoon after she’s going home from her office, I can’t forget it that moment!, sometimes when I wait her, I make a tears, I don’t know just can’t stop my tears to falling down until she’s came.

I know I’m badly miss my familie when that time especially my little brother “agil”, when that time, I’m felt want to end my life, but I always remember that kid, my special kid…I can be strong couse of him, so I try to survive…n that moment I promise to my self want tobe somewant who being neccessery for the other…

I had know it, I’m wrong to have fealling like this so much, because not the situation… we are not leave in the cheap cinema that when the ending we have to know, before finish we watch it. This is a real world not fake…!!! But I want her, I want take care of her, I want make her proud of me beside my family surely, to many things had we been troughly and make me know each other more, but is in enough for us being couple…?

I know my self is activist even doesn’t have organization, but my life like this, if she have good strength enough leave like this?, I’m far from the happiness live, like human being, I can be happy if people I see can smile, I like being necessary by the people, hahahaha so naïf there are my idealism or so pathetic… but that’s I’m…

I swear a God I love you very much, I want merry you, I always pray in my last Sujud to have meery with you bun,…

you know what when we make a deal who’s come 1^st to immortal live, and we play it I’m come 1^st … I thanks to God hope being real, I REALLY DON’T WANT LOOK AT YOU WITH THAT MORIN…I’m not stronger like that to stand up and play tough guy…ya we always talk about that…hahahaha a deadness can be beautiful when we always talk about that with smile…..(hope Allah will united’s us).